They like me for my eyes :D

So ever since school started the question "Whats new in your life?" has been one that I almost have dreaded. Why? Because my answer was always the same work and school and LDSSA. I love them all but that was all I was doing then before I new it

I was on an exit that had me almost hyperventilating. Anyone who knows me and I mean truly knows me knows that me and change do not get along well. I mean I am alway

s welcoming to it and I can put on a really good face but on the inside Im falling apart my mind likes to look at things differently then I do which makes me constantly

battle myself on this matter. however change came and I think that I have been embracing it very well! Out of all of it I hove found its all affected by one thing.

My music and the things effecting it. Do you know how when you are trying to figure something out and you get so frustrated then you figure it out and it finally clicks. Thats how I feel. Music just is so natural and easy for the most part for me I am in heaven every day and I love it! which ties me in perfectly to my final major change that i am making.

About a week or two ago i took a music theory test and felt so good about it. i knew all the information and have known it for sometime now so i was not worried in the least bit about this test...until i got it back I had failed the test. I didn't know what

had happened but i knew that something was up. I went to the student Accessibility services at UVU to get help. all that they did was tell me that I needed to go take this $215 test to see if i had Dyslexia or in my case if it had gotten worse. Now remember I'm a college student paying tuition out of my own pocket I dont have $215 dollars to pay for this test.

My mom being the thinker that she is decided to first take me to the eye doctor to make sure that it wasn't just my eyes that were the problem. Being that my optometrist specializes in eye therapy and that i am about due for a check up anyway this was a much cheaper option then the other way.Today we went in for the check up.

Turns out I have a form of lazy eye. My eyes are fine when strait forward and relaxed but when I have to focus on something close like a test my eyes can only last about five min before my eyes go lazy. And yes i have hit that point so know its hard for me to proof read things so this probably needs a lot of help editing wise but I no longer care :D I started therapy today and i will have this problem fixed soon im sure of it. Until then I now enjoy playing with my lazy eyes after I get done with therapy for the day. It makes me laugh and makes me enjoy my eyes that much more! Which were already my favorite part about me:)

Pitty party for me?!?!

So tonight was the presidents ball at uvu which i wanted to go but after not getting asked and even though i did have a free ticket because of my calling I didn't really want to go. i couldn't think of anyone to ask nor did I want to be the one asking. im the girl its not my job. Well my friend who i love dearly talked me into going. she making it seem like there were a group of people just going not on dates and saying that she really wanted me there i gave in... Then i showed up and found out that not only did everyone in the group have a date except for me but this girl had decided that i would just share her date. Her date had as much knowledge on the matter as i did. Can you say Awkward?!?! So to make things easier on him (could kinda tell that he didn't like the two date idea) I went to the food area and talked with my co-workers...and a few others here and there. I was planning on just taking off i was so embarrassed for even showing up I Kept thinking of how i had a lovely night planned with writing a letter to a missionary hanging out in my pj's and cleaning my room. It was the perfect plan and I was all ready to go do it...Until I got stopped and told that I should hang out til around 9:15 when my friend was going to propose to my other friend so I stayed. (at this point in time it was MAYBE 8 if not earlier) the girl that had talked me into coming decided that we would all dance (again her date did not like this idea) so after saying that I would sit down she stated that I could dance with him the next dance. i went and sat down my self esteem drained from my body, I could stop my mind from thinking things like wow im really not good enough for any of the guys I know I'm so weird that Im now one of those Pitty date girls where the guys ask the first girl and then get roped into taking another girl because she would never be able to get a date on her own. After realizing this i went and hid. For two reasons one her date did not want me there it wasn't fair to him. but the main reason is i was so embarrassed and ashamed that I was there on those conditions I wasn't willing to let myself be that girl.

I started out today in an amazing mood and in fact stayed in it til i found out the date situation. I was confident and happy i just wanted to get few things done and write back a missionary that had taken the time to write me. (of his own free will mind you) Now im not going to lie to you ive been in and out of tears since I got home. I didn't need this Pitty party yet I got it anyway. i honestly have no idea why I even got it. Yes there have been various family and just normal life things that have be "blowing up" in my life. but WHATS NEW?!?! I am to swim in some very deep water, I dont expect just anyone to swim with me

. It going to be someone who can handle it and is swimming in his own deep water as well. Until he comes along im content to swim alone im very used to it to be honest and yeah i would love for him to come home tomorrow but he wont I dont know when he is coming into my life or if he already has. I would rather wait then settle for some of the guys out there right now that are so shallow that give it a few min and they are on to the next girl but pretend to still be on you. or that talk about girls like they are a sports car. I'm never going to be that skinny girl that everyone is in love with but i have more to offer then i let just anyone see. the things that people do see i hope aren't that bad either

I dont mean to be sounding boastful that is not the point of this. The point is that you never know the true story behind what a persons background is. Unless this person has come out and said to you "I'm just going to have to accept the fact that you kn

ow everything" be careful about when and why you are throwing Pitty parties. There might be more of a benefit for the both of you if you to just do something for this person like bring them flowers or cookies or writing them notes or something instead of bringing them down (I realize this was not the intention tonight but that is what happened) To often we assume that we are right about what a person needs or what they should do in their own lives to make them happy. We need to realize that we can help if they ask but other then that they will be receiving their own revelation or they even know what they need already. otherwise we are only pushing people away. I hope that we all learn this lesson Im going to work on it thats for sure. Please dont do this to anyone! It hurts a lot.....