So what is going on? back in about the end of July I was having a lot of problems sleeping and it made me pretty sick one day. Nothing to much out of the ordinary except for the fact that i could feel my body shaking and at times it got so bad that it felt like I was feeling my heart beat through out all of my body. The next day I went to help a family member move into their new house. I turned out to be not much help, because I would help for about 2-3 min. and then all of my energy would be gone so I would go sit down and end up taking a 15 min nap about every time. My Mom decided that that was enough so the next day I headed in to meet with the nurse (because the doctor wouldn't be in til Monday and we did not want to wait that long to figure out what all is wrong with me little did we know at the time :P) The nurse then informed me that there were many things that could be causing these symptoms. For example it could have been diabetes, my thyroid, or even my heart. Hearing that it could be my heart scared me a lot. We were told to come back on Monday to get some blood tests done and to get a halter monitor on. I wore the monitor for 24 hours. About 9 hours later I received the news that my heart was irregular to the point where when I would exercise my heart rate would go up normally but then when i stopped my heart rate would drop pretty fast to be only 50. So they informed me that I would be getting a phone call from the Cardiologist the next day.
Sure enough the next day we got a phone call from the cardiologist's office The appointment was set for the 23 of August, which at this point was about 3 weeks away. Three weeks that honestly never thought would come. During those three weeks my symptoms got worse and there were a lot more of them i developed chest pains, really bad headaches and dizziness to the point of being on the border of passing out, and extremely low energy. The extreme low energy has turned out to be one of the worst symptoms, when it is at its worst i wouldn't even have the energy to walk across my living room. They scare the crap out of my when they happen. Luckily I have only had them that bad a few times.
When the 23rd came and we went in to see the doctor the doctor didn't even have the heart monitor or blood test results from the first place we went that sent me to this doctor in the first place. So the Cardiologist decided to sign me up for a treadmill test (not sure what all that means yet) and and echo on my heart. when we went to sign up again we were once again told that I would have to wait yet another 3 weeks before i could do these tests and then another week before i would know the results. I'm sill in the waiting period for that.
These three weeks have gone faster but have by far been harder on me. My 19Th birthday past during it. I had a party with friends and while I was preparing for it I collapsed on my stair way. Luckily My best friend Tiffany was there to help me get to a chair. It was still even hard to get though my party i think i hid it well though. for that night anyway. The next day I was in so much pain (chest pain) (and pretty much my entire body pain) that I didn't even want the people that i hadn't seen on over a year to be at my house because I wanted to lay down so bad! No one should feel that way on their 19Th birthday!
I had another attack yesterday ( k when I say attack i don't mean heart attack its one of those extreme low energy times at its worst. I'm not sure why but my mom and i have just started to call them attacks episodes would probably be a more appropriate word but for some reason we call them attacks so that is just how it is). This attack scared me the worst. I woke up ready to drive my car to school but luckily i was warned my the Holy Ghost not to. So my friend drove me to My institute (church) class. When we got there i had started to shake which was weird because normally i can feel it coming on for a least 20 min before they do. But there wasn't a warning sign for these. at the end of class i couldn't even carry my own back pack which is only about 10 pounds at most. So i went to the game room and sat down. I could feel my energy slowly draining though the floor. After a while I couldn't do anything but cry. I'm not even joking it would have taken so much energy that I didn't have to even just whip the tears from my eyes. So I used all the energy that I had to send a text to my friend telling her that i needed a blessing ad that i would need help moving into a more private room. she came running fond two priesthood holders to give me a blessing and then found the easiest rout for me to get to the door that was right behind me. I didn't make it 2 steps with out collapsing int o Lyndsy's arms screaming and crying because I for about the second time in my life I really was terrified for my life. the first being my first attack. after the blessing (which calmed me down enough emotionally to get my body to calm down) I had started shaking really really badly because of all of the emotions that were going on in my body and my body couldn't handle it. ( I should just be a boy they feel a lot less emotion). After I had calmed down I was a lot better and believe me it was all because of the blessing that I had gotten I don't even want to know what would have happened.
at the end of that long day I wrote down my feelings and this is what I ended up coming up with
Life's to short...
Not to go out and play
every time it rains
even if that means driving down the road the road with your windows and your sun roof open
just the feel of the water on your skin is a miracle in and of itself
Life's to sort to...
not to go out with friends just because you can
even if you have to be up at 6 the next morning
its the laughter your going to remember when it comes down to it
Life's to short...
not to go up and dance with a friend or two
even though the song playing my be "I like big Butts"
all your going to remember is laughing at yourself anyway
Life's to short...
not to fall in love
and to love with all your heart
even though they may never love you back
or the fact that yeah you may end up getting hurt in the end
At least that you can say that you loved someone
and felt the feeling that no one can truly describe
because it is too pure to describe with just words
Life's to short...
not to cry on a friends shoulder
even if its because you collapsed into their out stretched arms
because you don't have the energy or the strength to do it alone anymore!
they are the kind of friends that we can consider best friends
because even though we treat them far below what they are wroth to us in our lives
and far blow how truly deserve to be treated
they are still there to hold your hand and help you though whatever it is that you are going though
and to offer their sleeve for you to wipe your tears on.
then walks as close as they can to you because they are scared that you don't have the strength to do it on your own and the want to be there for you
Life's to short...
Not to believe in something more then this
Something more then the world can offer
something that can bring you comfort in your hardest times of need
and something that can bring you joy, love and hope
when all the world shows you that there is none.
A Belief in God the eternal father and in his son Jesus Christ.
The only real thing that can give you such things in the corrupt and brutal world that we live in today.
Life's to short...
not to kneel and and pray with all you heart, might, mind and strength
that you will be okay
praying like a little child begging their father to show his love so that you can get though your day
because you know that its there but you need to feel it
so strong and encircling like being taken into a huge hug that is never ending
because that is the only thing that could get though your day.
and then to ask him to protect you
because then you have no reason to fear because He is looking out for you. and you are in his arms
because his kindness shall NEVER depart fro you!
Life's to short...
Not to watch the sun rise and thank God for another day
that honestly you had no idea if it would ever come again
and the to watch the sunset that night an d thank Him again
for all the things that he has trusted you to go though that day and all of the days before it
because he loves you and wants you to return to him one day
because we ARE his Sons and Daughters
and we need to ALWAYS remember that
...life's to short not to
so now you know pretty much the entire update. I think that the worst part of it all is that I love being up beat and energetic but when I am the symptoms come and they are really bad its really sad that i cant just be my normal self all of the time :). I'll update you more over this thanks for reading. til next time
~ <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Charly Paige
