They like me for my eyes :D

So ever since school started the question "Whats new in your life?" has been one that I almost have dreaded. Why? Because my answer was always the same work and school and LDSSA. I love them all but that was all I was doing then before I new it

I was on an exit that had me almost hyperventilating. Anyone who knows me and I mean truly knows me knows that me and change do not get along well. I mean I am alway

s welcoming to it and I can put on a really good face but on the inside Im falling apart my mind likes to look at things differently then I do which makes me constantly

battle myself on this matter. however change came and I think that I have been embracing it very well! Out of all of it I hove found its all affected by one thing.

My music and the things effecting it. Do you know how when you are trying to figure something out and you get so frustrated then you figure it out and it finally clicks. Thats how I feel. Music just is so natural and easy for the most part for me I am in heaven every day and I love it! which ties me in perfectly to my final major change that i am making.

About a week or two ago i took a music theory test and felt so good about it. i knew all the information and have known it for sometime now so i was not worried in the least bit about this test...until i got it back I had failed the test. I didn't know what

had happened but i knew that something was up. I went to the student Accessibility services at UVU to get help. all that they did was tell me that I needed to go take this $215 test to see if i had Dyslexia or in my case if it had gotten worse. Now remember I'm a college student paying tuition out of my own pocket I dont have $215 dollars to pay for this test.

My mom being the thinker that she is decided to first take me to the eye doctor to make sure that it wasn't just my eyes that were the problem. Being that my optometrist specializes in eye therapy and that i am about due for a check up anyway this was a much cheaper option then the other way.Today we went in for the check up.

Turns out I have a form of lazy eye. My eyes are fine when strait forward and relaxed but when I have to focus on something close like a test my eyes can only last about five min before my eyes go lazy. And yes i have hit that point so know its hard for me to proof read things so this probably needs a lot of help editing wise but I no longer care :D I started therapy today and i will have this problem fixed soon im sure of it. Until then I now enjoy playing with my lazy eyes after I get done with therapy for the day. It makes me laugh and makes me enjoy my eyes that much more! Which were already my favorite part about me:)

Pitty party for me?!?!

So tonight was the presidents ball at uvu which i wanted to go but after not getting asked and even though i did have a free ticket because of my calling I didn't really want to go. i couldn't think of anyone to ask nor did I want to be the one asking. im the girl its not my job. Well my friend who i love dearly talked me into going. she making it seem like there were a group of people just going not on dates and saying that she really wanted me there i gave in... Then i showed up and found out that not only did everyone in the group have a date except for me but this girl had decided that i would just share her date. Her date had as much knowledge on the matter as i did. Can you say Awkward?!?! So to make things easier on him (could kinda tell that he didn't like the two date idea) I went to the food area and talked with my co-workers...and a few others here and there. I was planning on just taking off i was so embarrassed for even showing up I Kept thinking of how i had a lovely night planned with writing a letter to a missionary hanging out in my pj's and cleaning my room. It was the perfect plan and I was all ready to go do it...Until I got stopped and told that I should hang out til around 9:15 when my friend was going to propose to my other friend so I stayed. (at this point in time it was MAYBE 8 if not earlier) the girl that had talked me into coming decided that we would all dance (again her date did not like this idea) so after saying that I would sit down she stated that I could dance with him the next dance. i went and sat down my self esteem drained from my body, I could stop my mind from thinking things like wow im really not good enough for any of the guys I know I'm so weird that Im now one of those Pitty date girls where the guys ask the first girl and then get roped into taking another girl because she would never be able to get a date on her own. After realizing this i went and hid. For two reasons one her date did not want me there it wasn't fair to him. but the main reason is i was so embarrassed and ashamed that I was there on those conditions I wasn't willing to let myself be that girl.

I started out today in an amazing mood and in fact stayed in it til i found out the date situation. I was confident and happy i just wanted to get few things done and write back a missionary that had taken the time to write me. (of his own free will mind you) Now im not going to lie to you ive been in and out of tears since I got home. I didn't need this Pitty party yet I got it anyway. i honestly have no idea why I even got it. Yes there have been various family and just normal life things that have be "blowing up" in my life. but WHATS NEW?!?! I am to swim in some very deep water, I dont expect just anyone to swim with me

. It going to be someone who can handle it and is swimming in his own deep water as well. Until he comes along im content to swim alone im very used to it to be honest and yeah i would love for him to come home tomorrow but he wont I dont know when he is coming into my life or if he already has. I would rather wait then settle for some of the guys out there right now that are so shallow that give it a few min and they are on to the next girl but pretend to still be on you. or that talk about girls like they are a sports car. I'm never going to be that skinny girl that everyone is in love with but i have more to offer then i let just anyone see. the things that people do see i hope aren't that bad either

I dont mean to be sounding boastful that is not the point of this. The point is that you never know the true story behind what a persons background is. Unless this person has come out and said to you "I'm just going to have to accept the fact that you kn

ow everything" be careful about when and why you are throwing Pitty parties. There might be more of a benefit for the both of you if you to just do something for this person like bring them flowers or cookies or writing them notes or something instead of bringing them down (I realize this was not the intention tonight but that is what happened) To often we assume that we are right about what a person needs or what they should do in their own lives to make them happy. We need to realize that we can help if they ask but other then that they will be receiving their own revelation or they even know what they need already. otherwise we are only pushing people away. I hope that we all learn this lesson Im going to work on it thats for sure. Please dont do this to anyone! It hurts a lot.....

HELP!!!!!

So because finances are so tight I need scholarships in order to continue going to school next semester so heres the dell I need your help please both view and vote for this picture so that i can get this scholarship! Please Please PLEASE help me out!!! i am begging you here!!

Me and My BFF Brickfish

The past couple of days I have wanted to post something here and today I honestly cant think of why that is... like at all... but Can just say that I am so thankful for the Lords tender mercies in our lives. Though we may be going through something so hard that we are sitting there crying and asking how we are going to get through this there are tender mercies happening all around us. When we have our "hardest days" and just want to go to bed and a friend invites us to go to a activity with her and her stake. You reluctantly go only to find its the only thing could have pulled you out of your slump. I'm very thankful for the tender mercies that I have felt this week. Especially for the ones that I call friends.

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=0a838fbe352fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

I heart Life

what else is there to say! Today was amazing! i got to here from THREE apostles and TWO other general authorities and its not even general conference yet thats not for another couple of weeks! and today haha oh wow. so i like this kid and I tried so hard to sit by him at the CES fireside i mean so hard! and for once i was subtle and no im not just saying that my best friend was shocked that i was so subtle after hearing this story im that bad at being subtle! anyway so i had it all figured out i was going to sit by him and i was so excited that it was really working out...then when they showed up it turned out that i wasn't told to save enough seats so one person had to sit with someone else...this one person..no worries it was the guy that i had been trying so hard to sit by...So i just sat back and laughed it was pretty awesome! i think if this continues i may just come out and tell him to ask me out cause my luck right her sucks but hey at least i have had an awesome laugh because of it right?!?! haha

Nine years Since 9/11

"Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?"

I remember so much I even remember the dream I had the night before. I was living in Boise, ID at the time and there was a huge tree near the house we were living in at the time. In the dream that tree caught on fire. My sisters and I ran across the street. the tree turned into this huge fireball with a face that was screaming "my leg my leg". Being a 12 year old little girl this dream had really shaken me up. Then I remember walking into my prime time class (homeroom) and see on the TV that the first tower had been hit. Honestly i was in 7th grade and was to smart when it came to the news and what was going on i kinda lived in my own world until this day happened. For some reason it took me a while to realize t

hat this was happen to us in America i thought it was in London for about the first ten min until the second plain hit. I remember all the fear in our class as we realized that we are under attack a

nd my teachers wondering if they should cancel class or not. My teacher was a math teacher and was one that everyone loved because she was so laid back. Seeing her leave the room with tears in her eyes...I cant forget that. We watched TV for the first 2 and a half hours of class. The school told us to turn off the TV and to try and have a normal day. How could this day ever be normal? the rest of the day was spent talking about how we felt and en

ded early because we had a teacher who has a friend working in th towers the entire faculty could handle it. The weeks past and the nation felt united we all for once acted up to our name the UNITED states of america. I loved that feel I felt safe no matter what.

As the years went by we once again became the DIVIDED states of america (ps i think that this is what the terrorists wanted...just sayin) As A junior in High school I was given the opportunity to Produce a play entitled "The Guys" ( i jus

t found out that

they made a movie out of it oh and that its a true story i mean that joan and nick their story really happened...) Its about 9-11 and is one of the most touching plays that i have ever been blessed to be a part of. here is a lynk to the trail for the movie. http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3381461273/ this play made 9-11 so real for me> i made the goal to go see the site of the world trade centers.

This past year i made it there

This picture is of the construction site where they are building the new world trad

e center. I almost wanted it still to be the whole in the ground but i am so glad that it wasn't because now we as a nation are healing and the new yorkers are too.

Here is another picture of it. This place was hollowed and I could feel it even though there were so many people just rushing by to me it was so somber. there is a subway station right underneath where this happened I wanted to see it because the subway trains that go by always slow down just a little in reverence for the people who died that day. I never did see it though, I it is something that i would love to go back and see one day.

To end this i love this song it means so much more to me now that i have been there. and Brian if your reading this every time i hear this i think of you. thank you for being my tour guide and taking me to see this site even though it was such a long distance away! I miss you friend!

This ones for the boys!

Ok all you RM's I have something to say to you so listen up. I am so thankful for you all going out and serving a full time mission so let me make that clear before I start.I know that your mission is an amazing thing and i am not trying to put it down in anyway shape or form I would never do that.

The past couple of weeks I have noticed a lot more of you guys thinking and even more stating that you would rather be back on your missions right now. Now I'm not just coming out of left field I've asked plenty of questions about why it is and here is what i have to say about it.

Ok yes i get it your mission was the best two years of your life but some of you guys have been home for two years! What have you done since then? maybe your mission was so great because you were doing what you were sent here to do. Build his kingdom. Im sorry but hello look around you! I know some of you live in Utah and feel like you can get away with the whole " everyone is Mormon" excuse but when you stop to think about it you know thats not an excuse at all! I know that you all know AT LEAST one member that isn't active why is it ok to ignore them now when if you were on your mission you would have befriended them and tried to get them to come back?

I honestly don't get it we are all here on missions "every member missionary" why can't every member be a missionary right now! its very frustrating to me.

Oh and one more thing some of you are so caught up on you mission that you cant let go to move on with your life. some refuse to date because of it. Well guess what boys raising a family and the children in it is one of the greatest missions you will ever know. I've seen it in my brothers as they have raised their families. I know that your mission is an amazing thing and i am not trying to put it down in anyway im just saying that stop letting it stop you. In lots of way your letting Satan stop you by helping you think that your mission is the best that you will ever have when you are missing out on so much more by doing so.

Ok i know that most of you could careless that I even put this out there but i hope that I at least got through to one of you. Your mission isnt over yet! your still living in it please dont give up!