what to do?!?!?!?!

Okay so here's the thing. So there is this date dance coming up for the institute and i have a lot of friends that normally come with me to the dance so what do i do? I get them a date. i have almost set them all up...but then there leaves me...ops forgot to get myself a date. and to make it better i have no idea who i can even ask. or if anyone is planning on asking me...then i remember wait i was in this SAME position last year! and its makes me realize that i do this ALL THE TIME!!!! I have no probalem setting thenm up but i now makes since why i dont really even date anyone because im always finding someone last min. and it never means anything to either of us. So im wondering if you think that i should be more selfish and try and date for myself. i think i should but i dont know help me out here thanks love you all!!!
<3 Charly Paige

One Nation? Really?

Remember in elementary school and part of Jr high when we were allowed to say the pledge of allegiance? Well lets see if i can remember it
i pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of America
and to this country for which it stands one nation under god indivisible with liberty and justice for all...wow believe it or not i had a hard time remembering that i almost stared it "We are da..." then i realized that that's the young women's theme lol. but really that's sad read the pledge again...ill wait............................oh wait i don't even have it right yet....................................................okay so they took that out of schools. And just take a second and think about what this nation now is compared to that

"I Pledge allegiance to the flag of the UNITED States of America" Wow when was the last time we were united? This election especially this country is pretty much torn in half now isn't it?

"And to this country for which it stands" How many of us will stand up for our country still i have some amazing friends that will!!! And for them i am so very very thankful!!! But with the war in Iraq more and more of the people in this country would rather run then stand which is really sad.

"One Nation" Again the election we have been More like the nation of McCain and Obama not the United States.

"UNDER GOD" Um pretty sure you all know where i am going with this. We as a country have forgotten God. When he is the only reason we are here. Honestly the whole reason why we are in the situation that we are in with our economy is because we have forgotten him. Don't believe me? President Uchtdorf said Gave an entire devotional on it when he came to UVU on the 28Th of last month. He said that it is because we have forgotten Jesus Christ that we are in this situation because we put our money and our wealth before our religion. he counseled us to be citizens of the kingdom of God and to carry that passport with us into our lives. If we put Him first we will prosper and somehow we as a nation have forgotten that and its really really sad!!

"Indivisible" yeah as i have said before our nation has never been more divided and its really sad that we have lost the fight that our for fathers had when they fought for us to be free!

"with liberty AND and justice for all" We seem to forget the and there everyone is all about everyone having equal liberty but no one cares much about the justice part. In the same devotional President Uchtdorf said "we all feel connected but no one feels responsible" he was talking about the woulds economic system but it works for this as well. We all want everyone in this country to have the same liberty's but the moment something happens like the judges in Cali making it okay for same sex marriage everyone out there just blamed them. Its not like anyone else out there putting the idea in there heads.

This election was a big one and it doesn't matter who won we all need to support them. 3 Nephi 11:29- Support and sustain your leaders, and if you find that hard to do Ether 12:4 hope for a better world. remember everything will be okay just trust in the Lord and everything will be amazing in the end.

The little things in life

So this isn't an update on my health...although i should say that it has been decided that nothing is wrong with my heart (so my title will probably change to something else)...

So i have been thinking a lot lately about my life and how i can see my friends doing everything that they want to do in life because they have that one or two of three things that they are amazing at. Then there's me i have things that i like to do but there isn't on or two or three things that i can just do because i have the talent there. pretty much everything that i do is mediocre an don't get me wrong i don't want to seem as though i am down on myself but i feel like my life cant really go anywhere right not. maybe that's just because I'm not in school yet and they are ( i cant wait for next semester to start so that i can be taking classes again and feel like i am doing something with my life). Anyway a couple of days ago i was really really not feeling great about myself. That same day i was in charge of watching my niece Caydice and my nephew Colby. Their mom (Teri) had just left, Caydice was fast asleep in her car seat, and Colby as usual was crying because he hates being left. He normally comes tired so when he first gets here we just grab a blanket with ties (for some reason he will only go to sleep if one of his blankets has ties for him to hold on too its cute). He likes to be rocked and it will normally calm him down but this time it wasn't working so well. So i asked if he wanted to hear a song he moaned i don't know if that meant yes or no at the time but i started singing anyway. I think i was singing you are my sunshine and he calmed down and almost fell asleep. I was singing to Caydice today when i was watching them again and she feel asleep to it (which was nice because she was really fussy today).

Anyway the point of this is it hit me. I will probably never be a be musian like some of my friends. I will never have a drawing of mine published. I will probably never make it into another play for the rest of my life, or be a great background dancer or even a dance teacher, but I will always be preforming for an audience of one (or in this case two) I can sing them songs to put them to sleep, and teach them how to play the piano or violin, I can draw them funny pictures and tech them to draw, I can use my imagination while i am playing with them instead of just entertaining them. And i can dance with them whenever the dog is singing and dancing to you make me want to shout. I never realized how much more important that was until now. i don't need others to lift me up more then my family already does. Their little smiles are all that i need. Caydice is just learning how to smile and its the cutest thing in the eniter world. its also one of the most beautiful things in the entire world. Its so simple but really what more do you need the a simple smile from a loved one everyday? Exspecially when it comes from someone so Innocent and pure. Then you can know that it is full of love.


just food for thought thanks for being amazing guys

Im radioactive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so here is a quick update. A couple of weeks ago i went to the doctor and had a treadmill test. Its pretty self explanatory, but what what that is is the hooked me up to an EKG machine and then they put me on a treadmill and had me walk then they would increase the speed and the incline
about every 3 min throughout the test. This test however has shown that my heart is working fine at least that is what the EKG says (an EKG for those of you who don't know just monitors your heart beat). So the doctor decided that we were going to cancel the echo (an ultrasound on my heart) that i had an appointment for and the schedule an cardiac MRI.

That Wednesday I went in for the MRI and other then throwing up the meds that they put in my body though an IV to stress my heart the test wasn't to bad.

Then the doctor appointment after that was the following Monday. the doctor came in and said as far as all the test they did not show anything wrong what so ever. everything looked perfect there was only one small problem. because i threw up the stress test meds the stress test didn't work so we weren't able to find out if my arteries are blocked or not so my options where to forget about trying to figure it out and go check with a doctor who is pretty much an electrician with the heart or for get about my heart entirely and move on to a stomach doctor (cause i have had A LOT of symptoms that have to do with my heart and i guess that there is this huge nerve in your body that connects everything and if one thing has a problem it can make it look like it is something else even though its not) But because if all of the heart problems in my family we decided that it was best to know for sure that it wasn't my heart so we decided to get another kind of stress test done om my heart. the best part of this entire visit was A DOCTOR FINALLY LISTENED TO ME!!!!! I told the doctor about the fact that my energy will just leave me at random points pf the day nothing causing it and all this over stuff about nothing causing the chest pain and disyness and things lik that well he figured that i should be tested for mono ( why i wan't tested for it in the first place i have no clue but ya know who really cares at least i was getting it done)

we went done and got blod taken and the scheduled an apiontment for this other stress test (it starts with a th but i dont remember what in the world ot os called) a week later (this last monday) we went and had the stress test done and in order to do it they put tracers in me that were radioactive making my body the same way (and i will be until about the 13 of october lol) anyway they put me bcak on tyhe treadmill for about 3 min. and guess what was back?!?! the nasty heart stress meds from before they made me sick again but i was able to breath though it (i think it healped not being in a tube and being in an open area instead) so we will figure out the results from that on the 7th of this month and i will you know what the out come is with that.

other then taht life is amazing and great!!! I just had a good friend get home from basic training and it is really good to see him around even if he has to leave again soon. thank you all for being so supportive of me and my health i couldnt get though this with you you rock!!!! I love you all!

oh and i dont have mono :) thank goodness!!! that would have beenm random since i havent been kissing anyone! (im still not so dont ask)

thanks again for being amazing!!!

<3 Charly Piage

this isnt a blog about good looking people

So here is the deal. I'm kinda, sorta, really sick. The doctors say that My hear is irregular heart beat they don't know what is causing it though. and my symptoms are only getting worse and worse, And I have problems talking about it with others. Probably because I hate the fact that other people have to take care of me as much as they do and people listening to me and how I feel is not easy. So I now writing a blog and this also makes it easier to inform people about how I'm doing and what is going on.

So what is going on? back in about the end of July I was having a lot of problems sleeping and it made me pretty sick one day. Nothing to much out of the ordinary except for the fact that i could feel my body shaking and at times it got so bad that it felt like I was feeling my heart beat through out all of my body. The next day I went to help a family member move into their new house. I turned out to be not much help, because I would help for about 2-3 min. and then all of my energy would be gone so I would go sit down and end up taking a 15 min nap about every time. My Mom decided that that was enough so the next day I headed in to meet with the nurse (because the doctor wouldn't be in til Monday and we did not want to wait that long to figure out what all is wrong with me little did we know at the time :P) The nurse then informed me that there were many things that could be causing these symptoms. For example it could have been diabetes, my thyroid, or even my heart. Hearing that it could be my heart scared me a lot. We were told to come back on Monday to get some blood tests done and to get a halter monitor on. I wore the monitor for 24 hours. About 9 hours later I received the news that my heart was irregular to the point where when I would exercise my heart rate would go up normally but then when i stopped my heart rate would drop pretty fast to be only 50. So they informed me that I would be getting a phone call from the Cardiologist the next day.

Sure enough the next day we got a phone call from the cardiologist's office The appointment was set for the 23 of August, which at this point was about 3 weeks away. Three weeks that honestly never thought would come. During those three weeks my symptoms got worse and there were a lot more of them i developed chest pains, really bad headaches and dizziness to the point of being on the border of passing out, and extremely low energy. The extreme low energy has turned out to be one of the worst symptoms, when it is at its worst i wouldn't even have the energy to walk across my living room. They scare the crap out of my when they happen. Luckily I have only had them that bad a few times.

When the 23rd came and we went in to see the doctor the doctor didn't even have the heart monitor or blood test results from the first place we went that sent me to this doctor in the first place. So the Cardiologist decided to sign me up for a treadmill test (not sure what all that means yet) and and echo on my heart. when we went to sign up again we were once again told that I would have to wait yet another 3 weeks before i could do these tests and then another week before i would know the results. I'm sill in the waiting period for that.

These three weeks have gone faster but have by far been harder on me. My 19Th birthday past during it. I had a party with friends and while I was preparing for it I collapsed on my stair way. Luckily My best friend Tiffany was there to help me get to a chair. It was still even hard to get though my party i think i hid it well though. for that night anyway. The next day I was in so much pain (chest pain) (and pretty much my entire body pain) that I didn't even want the people that i hadn't seen on over a year to be at my house because I wanted to lay down so bad! No one should feel that way on their 19Th birthday!

I had another attack yesterday ( k when I say attack i don't mean heart attack its one of those extreme low energy times at its worst. I'm not sure why but my mom and i have just started to call them attacks episodes would probably be a more appropriate word but for some reason we call them attacks so that is just how it is). This attack scared me the worst. I woke up ready to drive my car to school but luckily i was warned my the Holy Ghost not to. So my friend drove me to My institute (church) class. When we got there i had started to shake which was weird because normally i can feel it coming on for a least 20 min before they do. But there wasn't a warning sign for these. at the end of class i couldn't even carry my own back pack which is only about 10 pounds at most. So i went to the game room and sat down. I could feel my energy slowly draining though the floor. After a while I couldn't do anything but cry. I'm not even joking it would have taken so much energy that I didn't have to even just whip the tears from my eyes. So I used all the energy that I had to send a text to my friend telling her that i needed a blessing ad that i would need help moving into a more private room. she came running fond two priesthood holders to give me a blessing and then found the easiest rout for me to get to the door that was right behind me. I didn't make it 2 steps with out collapsing int o Lyndsy's arms screaming and crying because I for about the second time in my life I really was terrified for my life. the first being my first attack. after the blessing (which calmed me down enough emotionally to get my body to calm down) I had started shaking really really badly because of all of the emotions that were going on in my body and my body couldn't handle it. ( I should just be a boy they feel a lot less emotion). After I had calmed down I was a lot better and believe me it was all because of the blessing that I had gotten I don't even want to know what would have happened.
at the end of that long day I wrote down my feelings and this is what I ended up coming up with

Life's to short...
Not to go out and play
every time it rains
even if that means driving down the road the road with your windows and your sun roof open
just the feel of the water on your skin is a miracle in and of itself

Life's to sort to...
not to go out with friends just because you can
even if you have to be up at 6 the next morning
its the laughter your going to remember when it comes down to it

Life's to short...
not to go up and dance with a friend or two
even though the song playing my be "I like big Butts"
all your going to remember is laughing at yourself anyway

Life's to short...
not to fall in love
and to love with all your heart
even though they may never love you back
or the fact that yeah you may end up getting hurt in the end
At least that you can say that you loved someone
and felt the feeling that no one can truly describe
because it is too pure to describe with just words

Life's to short...
not to cry on a friends shoulder
even if its because you collapsed into their out stretched arms
because you don't have the energy or the strength to do it alone anymore!
they are the kind of friends that we can consider best friends
because even though we treat them far below what they are wroth to us in our lives
and far blow how truly deserve to be treated
they are still there to hold your hand and help you though whatever it is that you are going though
and to offer their sleeve for you to wipe your tears on.
then walks as close as they can to you because they are scared that you don't have the strength to do it on your own and the want to be there for you

Life's to short...
Not to believe in something more then this
Something more then the world can offer
something that can bring you comfort in your hardest times of need
and something that can bring you joy, love and hope
when all the world shows you that there is none.
A Belief in God the eternal father and in his son Jesus Christ.
The only real thing that can give you such things in the corrupt and brutal world that we live in today.

Life's to short...
not to kneel and and pray with all you heart, might, mind and strength
that you will be okay
praying like a little child begging their father to show his love so that you can get though your day
because you know that its there but you need to feel it
so strong and encircling like being taken into a huge hug that is never ending
because that is the only thing that could get though your day.
and then to ask him to protect you
because then you have no reason to fear because He is looking out for you. and you are in his arms
because his kindness shall NEVER depart fro you!

Life's to short...
Not to watch the sun rise and thank God for another day
that honestly you had no idea if it would ever come again
and the to watch the sunset that night an d thank Him again
for all the things that he has trusted you to go though that day and all of the days before it
because he loves you and wants you to return to him one day
because we ARE his Sons and Daughters
and we need to ALWAYS remember that
...life's to short not to

so now you know pretty much the entire update. I think that the worst part of it all is that I love being up beat and energetic but when I am the symptoms come and they are really bad its really sad that i cant just be my normal self all of the time :). I'll update you more over this thanks for reading. til next time
~ <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Charly Paige