Tribute to an amazing musician and friend: Larry Johnson

Yesterday I found out that a dear friend of mine passed away. Larry Johnson was my music theory Professor at UVU. He was supposed to retire from teaching at the end of the first block of summer session at UVU this summer. While teaching his liver and kidney failed, because of this he lived the last month and a half at the hospital in Provo, UT. He had a liver transplant on June 7th and was recovering slowly, until yesterday morning when he went into cardiac arrest.

OK I'm sure that didn't seem like a tribute and your right because it wasn't. Yes, Larry was my professor at UVU but he was also my friend. A couple nights before Larry passed away I had a feeling that I needed to go see him. I never made it. So to try and still things for me I wanted to share my story of Larry's and my friendship, one that is repeated in so many others lives that he touched.

I first took his class fall 2010, it was fundamentals of Music a class that I did not need to take but for reasons that will come up later I took this class anyway. I found this class easy yet I was still learning a lot from Larry. He always had his jokes and it was a humor that could make any one's day. I failed my first test which scared the crap out of me. I knew the information extremely well and the only reason that we could figure out for why I had failed it was that something was wrong with my learning and that I needed to figure out what it was. Larry helped me to do so.

One day after his class he motioned for me to come up and talk to him. I had been going through a really hard time. Larry pulled me aside and asked if I was okay. I almost burst into tears right there but I held them back as best as I could. He told me that he was available to talk if I needed someone to talk to.

It took a few days but I finally went in to talk to him. I told him all that was going on, there were many things that where eating at me but mostly it was my job. I had been working as a cook and it had been going well up until that semester. My boss at the time had me working from the early morning to the early afternoon. Previously He told me that we would work it out once it came time for me to take my music classes. That semester the music adviser informed me that I either start getting into the program now or I will be dropped from her list of students. It was time for us to work something out at work only things had changed. I was the only girl that was working in my area and one of the newly hired men had been causing major problems for me and my boss had found favor in him. I was told that it was no longer going to be possible to work something out. I was upset to say the least, but I had been hiding it and I though I was hiding it well. Then he paused and thought for a moment then asked me A few questions. First he asked if I needed to take his class, I replied with no and then explained how I needed my music and that this was all that I could get it and was doing for now. The he asked where I went to High school. Which anyone who knows me knows that that is a load question. I had gone to four different high schools, I never stayed at any one of them long enough to notice rank I just stayed long enough to prove myself in music. I then told him that I had failed at doing so at my last high school. My Music teacher there told me that I was going no where with my music and that I had no talent, and because of it i had given up on music up til then. Larry stopped me He said told me that my last teacher was wrong. He then told me that he knew of my first three directors. These director's choirs all ranked in the top 25 in the nation. He told me that if they saw talent in me then others would as well and that this other director didn't know what talent was (haha he said it in his stuck up voice the one that sounded like he knew better then everyone else). He then told me that he couldn't let a student that wanted to teach music so bad that she would take classes that she didn't need, go along with out any help. Later I found out that he had reported the harassment that I had been going through at work. It was because of him that I quit that job and moved on to something that I love.

The next semester I had him again only it was for a class that I really needed to take. I had broken both of my feet so when he would see me he would say "there's my little cripple". He always seemed to be so understanding I had a hard time making it to class on time because of it but he never got upset with me over it. The times when I was on time to class I would normally end up on the elevator with him. He would always use this time to interview me and check up on me. He was a true friend.

In his class I was understanding what he was teaching but I couldn't get it to come out on paper. For our final project we had to write a hymn with out any non-harmonics and without braking a single rule. We were required to consult with him on it at least once. I spent so many days in his office. On my first visit going over this hymn I was feeling very discouraged. I was not doing as well as I had thought. As I got up to leave he said "there's not much left now". I thought he meant there's not much left of the semester so my reply was " I know I'm working really hard and I'll get it done." He said "No Charmaine I mean you don't have much left to change your doing really well! I'm glad to see you growing." That statement changed my life. I want to get a

masters in composition and this gave me the courage to work toward it. I met with him four more times after that first time, I wanted my hymn to be perfect. My last visit with him I had one minor thing to change, I had labeled a chord wrong I just needed to change that. When it came time to turn in our hymn's I really wanted to know what my grade was so I had him mail it to me when he was done grading it. When I got it I opened it to see that not only had I gotten and A but I had also made three mistakes which at the time made me so mad because I

had worked so hard on it.

Now I'm glad to have those markings on my paper. It reminds me how much he really cared not only about every little detail and rule but also about us. I owe him everything I wouldn't be where I am now with out him. U can't really explain how or why he changed my life he just did. I just wish that I could have thanked him just one more time for it. He would always say things like "follow me my penguins" and "it's a beautiful day...somewhere" and he was always telling us to

"PUT THE LID ON THE MARKER!" While we were at the board thinking.

Larry has found his somewhere with his beautiful day and we are still forgetting to put the lids on the marker but when we do and the marker drys out we will always think of him and on day his penguins will follow him back home.

Til we met again Larry. Rest in Peace my friend!

The reason why men aren't getting married!

So I got a phone call from a this guy, who has been in my institute class all summer.

I pick up the phone almost in shock that he even had my number to hear him tell me that there is this girl in our institute class that he wants to ask out and that I knew her. He tells me her name and such. And then tells me that it seemed like we were good friends when we left class today.

Well turns out I just met this girl today and we didn't talk very long. In fact I barley caught her

name I even had to ask him what color shirt she was wearing.

He then goes on to say he doesn't know how he is going to get her number (and im thinking really are you honestly THAT out of it that you don't know that you CAN talk to a person and get their number?)

I tell him that it would probably be best that he try and get it the old fashioned way. He then WHINES! that he isn't going to see her til Monday and that he wants to take her out THIS WEEKEND.

(At this point in my head I'm about dying of laughter and sheer shock that this kid honestly has no idea what he is doing. )

So I then go into "coach mode" and tell him to scope her out at the dance on Friday and to get it then, but IT WAS LIKE I WAS SPEAKING GERMAN TO THIS KID. I honestly had to spell out every little detail about the dance because he was in his words "honestly clueless"...yet he garbed a wristband for it during class.

He ended the call by saying sorry to make this so awkward for you as if I had some big crush on him and was going to start to cry when he hang up or something and then with a fast good bye he hung up the phone... This sadly isn't the only time I've had this happen with some guy that I knew....And the brothern wonder why men are having problems getting married...

What shall we do with all these men?!

Dear Men of the world,

I am a Chef, a Professional sound tech, a lighting designer (for the theater), I play a handful of instruments, And I am currently in school studying and aspiring to be a composer and a conductor for symphonies, Oh and Im a FEMALE! and although most of these positions are male prominent dont think for a second that just because I am female I will go cry when you tell me that I don't what I'm doing. Its never worked before in fact in the end you'll be the one made out to look like and idiot not me. So in short I'm in your world deal with it.

Not love,

Charmaine Paige Griffin

4 days shy of a month Vacation

So anyone that knows me knows that I like to stay really busy. Sometimes to busy for my own good. This last semester being the prime example. Mid march I found out that not only would I be released from council and school would be ending a month later I also found out that I would be losing my job. (Which was not a sad deal at all because to be honest I was glad for the opportunity to move on.) However because I was so busy I had no time to look for a job. Once I was released from council all my spare time went to finals and once I was done with finals I only had a few days left working at the school.

During the time before I lost my job I lost a friendship that I had held very dear to me. It was one of the kinds of friendships that once a change like this occurs, its lost forever (or at least for a long extended period of time) and can never be the same. I was hurt and knew that somehow I had to try and do what seemed at the time to be impossible and pull through it. (man I can be so dramatic!)

Once April 28th hit and I no longer had a job I had A LOT more time to dwell on things like this. And after a conversation with a few dear friends of mine (one of which happens to be the sister of the first friend and it was with her that I had the Most meaning full these conversations) I learned a few things.

1. First Your relationship with Christ is key. I learned that everything else in life not only makes more since as your relationship with Christ grows but also you grow closer to yourself and you are better able to love yourself then ever you could before because it is IMPOSSIBLE to love and come to know Christ with out gaining a love for ones self.
2. Second Be true to yourself. How many times when we are in a situation where we would like to make a more "dramatic" choice do we ignore it and call it stupid because others would like things to go the other direction then your choice would take you. May I propose that instead of ignoring that feeling listen to it. Don't act on it immediately but think on it and pray about it. You fell that way for a reason and until you fix it you can never be at peace.
3. Third Spend time on you. I'm so far from perfect and I found that I was always beating myself up because of it. I know that I can never be perfect in this life but I also know that until I can handle spending time with myself I can never change so I started to spend time on me. This doesn't mean always focusing on the negative, infact I'm not doing that at all I'm just trying to better my positive. Its made my life so much happier because now I fell like I finally have my own total support... from myself.
4. Fourth Have fun and be yourself. Tonight I was able to hang out with some friends from my ward and what did we spend time doing? Taking pictures with all the Pirates of the Caribbean cardboard cut outs at the Macey's grocery store in town, and planning out Harry Potter Marathon for the last movie and our costumes for said event. Its is so important for us to be ok with ourselves especially around our friends its so much more fun that way.

I was offered a job today and I start tomorrow. I am just 4 days shy of being out of a job for a month. But you know what it was probably the best vacation of my life! :D I am so thankful that the Lord had me slow down just long enough to get me to realize all that i had been missing these past couple of years.

The Rose

A few weeks ago I had surgery on my ankle. Thank night my Relief Society president and one of the girls in the ward stopped by. They brought me a yellow rose with red tips (one of my favorite flowers) with a card. I put it aside while we sat and talked about...boys mostly. ha. When I opened the Card it was exactly what I needed to hear and what I had been thinking about most of the day. It had a poem in it about how the Lord is in control cause he knows what he is doing and I dont. I wanted to share the poem on here so that I wouldn't lose it and so that maybe it could help others out there.

The Rose

It is only a tiny rosebud,

A flower of God's design,

But I cannot unfold the petals

with these clumsy hands of mine,

The secret to unfolding flowers

is not know to such as I,

The flower God opens so sweetly,

In my hands would fade and die.

If I cannot unfold and rosebud

This flower of God's design,

Then how can I think to have wisdom

To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Him for His leading

each moment of everyday

So I'll look to Him for Guidance

Each stop of the Pilgrim way.

For the pathway that lies Before me,

My Heavenly Father knows:

I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,

Just as He unfolds the rose.

Charlie Gilchrist

The Card its self talked about the though spots in life and how we will all get through it. I'm thankful for the reminder that the Lord is unfolding my life and that as he does your life will get even more beautiful.

Eat Pray Love

A year ago today I had a major brake down,one that I can honestly say changed my life. I had become the victim of something that I never wished on myself or anyone, but was something that I had been dealing with for years. At the end of this year (the past couple of days) I have done a lot of soul searching and have shed a lot of tears because, to be perfectly honest, I am so far from happy its not even funny. However I do really want to change that, starting today.

Tonight I watched a wonderful movie called EAT PRAY LOVE. I recommend it to anyone with a clear player because there are a few scenes that I would prefer to not have had in there (thank you mom for skipping over them!)

In this movie the main Actress is struggling to find herself she goes to Bali where a medicine man "predicts" her life. Through out the movie she pretty much does what I could only dream of doing. She travels. She starts her journey in Rome Italy (I dream of this place night and day!) As she is talking about Rome she mentions that it is a city that has just built its self up around the ruins of its past. She then says "ruin is a gift, ruin is the road to transformation."

Over this past year I have found more ruin in my life then I would care to admit. And I have just been standing here looking at it like poor me. When really I should be sitting here and becoming Rome and making it my gift by using it to transform my life to make it better and that starts to night. The movie then continued on with more Quotes that I am going to use to help me move on and to turn my ruin into my beauty. And heres how:

"If you can't master your thoughts your in trouble forever"--Oh how true this is. How often do we find ourselves putting what we are down because we dont like it. Not me, not anymore, tonight I want to begin trying to encourage myself to change with out degrading myself.

"Why can't you just let it be?'" --I have the hardest time with this. It is so hard for me to accept things the way they are so now, with the help of my Father in Heaven, I'm going to just learn to accept things the way they are, and accept that the Lord in in control of this one and not me.

"Its not that I need easy right now I just can't handle so hard" -- I think that we all feel this way sometimes. And I have found myself saying this all to often, especially lately. But I think its times like these when I need to be learning one of the most valuable lessons that the Lord has to offer. That lesson is; that I am stronger then even I think that I am.

"So miss Him. Send him all your love and light every time you think of Him, and drop it." -- This one will be hard for me, to miss and to let go and drop it. Over the past year I have learned to stand up for myself and to say "no more this isn't me being fair to myself" when a person, especially a friend, is walking all over me. And because of this I have had to let go of so many of my friends. Two of which I have had the hardest time letting go of. But because I know it is better for me to stand and say I am worth something and I deserve to be loved and treated as one who can be respected I have to let go and never go back no matter how hard I miss them. Or how much they say they miss me. I'll need to learn to send them my love and light and drop it so that I can FINALLY move on with my life.

"Waiting for someone to forgive you is a waste of time, FORGIVE YOURSELF."--These past couple of weeks I have been really hard on myself. I can't tell you how many times I have thought of saying to someone " do you ever just hate who you are?" I need to get past what all I have done I can't change the past but I can forgive myself for it. The Atonement of Jesus Christ has the answer to how I can do this and Starting tonight I'm going to learn how to do so. So that I can finally smile and really mean it again.

"Believe in Love again"-- This was one of those quotes that I felt like Heavenly father was Screaming "HELLO!!!! CHARMAINE?!?! ARE YOU LISTENING?!?!" There are so many scares that I have been so scared to make new ones but I think that I am ready to start trusting others so that they can see me for me and I for them so that I can fall in love and be happy!

"You find balance You find power." --wow k so I could definitely need to find a way to balance out my life better so that I can fit in those things that I need to get done in all aspects of life. Be it Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, or Intellectual. I will need to be able to find ways to fit it all in. and someday soon I hope to do so.

"Smile with your Face, Smile in your mind, and Even smile in your Liver."-- I need to learn to be truly happy so that everything in me is smiling :D

"the only way to heal is to trust"-- for me this means that I need to trust that someone will care enough to love me for me. And one day I want to say "yeah I can do that" hopefully that day truly is today but I have a feeling that it is something that I am going to have to work really hard on. So someday soon this one will come into play I'm sure of it.

"Its is ok to hurt when you have a plan."-- I need to stop letting all the pain rule my life and make a plan to let the hurt help me instead of hold me back like it has been doing.

"You don't need a man you need a champion" --Love is hard work and a man now days is known for leaving but a Champion will never give up so thats what im looking for now.

"When you set out in the world to help yourself sometimes you end up helping Tutti."-- The word Tutti is Italian means all or everyone. Since this past year has been very focused on me I am ready to find the balance on being able to help me by finding ways to serve "Tutti"

"I don't need to love you to prove that I love myself."--put simply I need to stop pleasing everyone else. Can I just tell you that I hate that I feel like I have to be responsible all of the time I just want to be happy and if that means I need to take risks well I am going to start. Which means I may be job less soon but you know what that is more then ok because I am more then ready for the next road of my life to start and this job cant and wont take me there.

"come back to yourself" --I need to always remember who I am. For three and a half years I forgot me because I let go of a huge part of me that I should have never let go of because I was listening to and pleasing someone else. So for me this means no matter what I go out and do to please or to help others I must always come back to me and make sure that I am helping me as well.

"I know your struggling but your changing and what a better place to do it surrounded by the Grace of God"--I saved this one for last. This road we call life isn't easy. but With God all things are possible so what better place to change then with him again like I did the first time. He will always be there to help me I just have to ask for his help. He has carried me before and he is willing to carry me again.

So life is looking up I just have to hold on to what I have learned and run with it so that I can change my life for the better.

some other quotes that I have obtained the past couple of days that have really helped me as well:

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." -Oprah Winfrey

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.- Mark Twain

apathy is worse than hatred, people u love the most r those that can hurt u the worst & some scars will never go away...Yet through it all i've also come to realize that apathy exists so that people can choose to act & the people that matter r those that CHOOSE to. Also, the scars that don't go away are the ones meant to remind us that we were involved in something important--Jorden Sorenson (a friend on facebook)

Happiness Depends Upon Ourselves." Aristalle

I CAN DO THIS :D

Do you ever just get what you want?!?!

WARNING : This post is full of randomness!

Wednesday Night was like a total dream! Why you ask Well!!!! I attended the AMAZING!!! Sara Bareilles' Concert!

And OH MY GOSH it was so amazing!!! Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I am a HUGE

Sara Bareilles fan!!! I Love her music and her attitude about life in general! So when I heard she was coming into town I HAD to somehow get tickets. Then while sitting in guitar class I came up with the perfect reason to go! I needed to go to a couple concert that featured a guitar somewhere in it for credit for class. I figured that if I got go to one for free I could afford this one. So I went ahead and bought the ticket and I can not Tell you how excited I was to go! So finally the day came!

I went with my friend Dannie and the met up with Lyndsi and her husband Trent (one of my favorite couples)

Okay I know that I may be lame for doing this but This my firends is the lovely ticket that help

me fulfill my dream of going to A Sara bareilles Concert.

Sara came out to introduce the opening acts and I honestly think i just stood therewith this huge smile on my face.

Her Fist opening Act was a woman named Holly Conlan, and she was A.MAZ.ING! I will be

buying her CD.. when I have the money...if that ever happens!

Anyway her second opening act was Cary Brothers. And no that was not a band of three brothers it is one person first name Cary last name Brothers. I know I was surprised as well. However he was not very good sadly. But he is pretty much Nick's twin with

dark hair it's supper creepy! (nick is in Dannie's and my Guitar Class)

SO being someone who was a lighting designer for sometime I LOVE to watch the lights of a show and see what they are doing so in honer of that I took what would be considered a crappy pick so that you could see some of the color that was used.

After Cary was done they started to set up for Sara and We got board because they ended up taking for.ev.er! so as you can tell we had fun with the camera. (these aren't even 1/3rd of the photos that where taken)

There were SO many people there it was hard to take pictures of them all but here is a small corner of people!

Then finally Sara came out! We were all guessing what she would open with and we were all wrong! but if you ask me she kinda tricked us! She opened with Vegas from her last CD Little Voice but then went right into uncharted for her new CD Kaleidoscope Heart (which means that Lyndsi won)

The Concert Was amazing!!!! This last picture shows how close we were which was SO AWESOME!!!

So this is my song right now. I think only one person other then me really knows why but yeah I LOVE THIS SONG!