Grateful for Gratitude Day #5

Today I was easily in a better mood then I have been in for quite some time now. As some of you know a few months ago I had a rib pop out in my back. How? Well I was sleeping and woke up with it out. I'm sure you thought that was impossible but its time to learn something about Charly if it is a uncommon injury and is not easy to make happen I will do it in the easiest way possible!   It is normal for the rib to sublocate in your front However it is very uncommon for it to happen in your back and is supposedly very difficult to do. Also if the injury is normally an athletic injury  (meaning most athletes get this injury and it is rare for others to get it) you guessed it I will get injured like that in again the easiest way possible.

Today I think that it happened again I am just in a lot of pain, but I was sure blessed by a few things that helped to make it better.

Monday July 30th, 2012
Today I am grateful for;

Getting the chore to clean the kitchen in stead of the bathroom. A lot less bending over means that I could finish my chore with out cause extra pain to my back.

Ice packs while on ice my back feels almost 100% better which means I wont miss any sleep tonight :D

The Olympics because even though I hurt watching it makes me have the motivation to work out.

Getting into classes that I want and need so that I have to rearrange my schedule and can put swimming 1 into it which I have wanted to take for years now!

My mom for buying me a Dr. Pepper with vanilla in it. Just because I really enjoy this drink.

And last but not least (probably one of the things that I am most grateful for today)

Ali and Melissa for making my day by bringing over a small gift in appreciation for me doing my ward calling. They showed up with a sent maker ( I don't remember what its called but it smells great! ). This meant so much because after months of trying to make a difference in the ward and being so ready  to give up it was really nice to be appreciated by these two amazing women! And can I just add that these two girls are probably the most amazing girls in the ward! They are the kind of girls that have the biggest heart and probably never get noticed for it but after knowing these girls for only a week now I can say that they truly have started to already change my life and teach me to never judge a nook by its cover. I am very greatfuk that I met them  when I did.

Meeting Ali and Melissa.

the summit of Gratitude aka days #2, #3, & #4

So before I tell you what it is that I am grateful for I need to explain a few things.
This week has not been a good one to say the least. Nothing majorly wrong, happened...at first, but I was extremely depressed. Which is why I started this blog Thursday night. I had been planning on doing it for a while but I had gotten in a funk and I was hoping this would help me find my way out of it. Then Friday happened.

Friday Morning my mom and I got up and headed to school to figure out why my financial aid had been cut so drastically. (almost 2,000 less then I was offered the year before just didn't seem right) To our avail we found out that the mear (sp?) $600 loan I was offered was correct. You see the one thing that the government doesn't tell you when they are telling mom's to go back to school and that they will give you a really nice tax refund if you do, is that the really nice tax return is supposed to be used to cover any of your children that are under the age of 24 and is attending college's tuition! Well since my mom went back to school we got that ta return and well that money went to my sisters wedding this last June.

Something that most people dont know about me is that I have had to literally fight to stay in school. If I wasn't sick with something or  having a surgery or getting more medical tests done I was fighting a teacher over simple disabilities adjustments. And now there is no money to help me to go to school. After getting next to no sleep the night before and then this I was done I could not stop crying. You may think that I am being a little over dramatic but after five years of college and no paper to prove that I even did anything and after all the fighting that I have done I gave up. You're also probably thinking why not just put it off a year and go back when you are 24. If I am going to have to start paying off my loans 3 months from now why would I go back to fight a fight that nothing is working out for me on. If you can't tell by now I literally gave up and gave in to everything I felt as though I had failed but honestly I've reached a point where if I were asked to fight I would just surrender because all my energy is gone. I had reached the lowest of lows. All on the day that the YSA Summer Summit for my stake was to begin.

No one to what I am grateful for:

Friday July 27th 2012
I am grateful for;

Sleep; I couldn't clear my head at all when I found out about my loan. So when I got home I curled up and fell asleep for a few hours. When I work up I didn't feel better but I could think clearer I might be going back to school after all.

Blessing to prayers I never prayed; I needed to spend time with someone that understood me and was a lot closer to my age then the people that I normally hang out with and thanks to the summer summit I found an old friend that made it easier to see straight again.

New friends; who have the potential to become great friends of mine.

Saturday July 28th 2012
I am grateful for;

Friends; to vent to when guys are not catching on (in general)

chicken ( I had a great chicken wrap at the summer summit)

others; who have shown that they go through hard things as we ll but over come them and go on to do great things.

Laughter; I need to laugh more it helps take away the stress that I have put myself under

Sunday July 29th 2012
I am grateful for;

The reminder that although it is so common for us to think low of our selves that is not how our father in Heaven thinks of us.

It is ok to hold onto something that you want even though others seem to want it as well you just have to want it more!

Peace; I think I have the strength to not only try and figure out how to get back to school but also how to get out of  my funk.

An Attitude of Gratitude Day #1

I have decided that I am going to turn this blog into a gratitude blog. Meaning that as often as I can, I will come and post the things that I am grateful for that happened to me that day or the past few days. Some days will include stories some days wont. Today for example is just a list of gratitude. I hope that this will not only help me to become a more positive person but, also help others to be more positive as well. So with out further adieu here is the big debut Day Number One.

 7/26/12 Today I am grateful for;

•  Cell phones because I was able to contact some people to help me keep my chin up. 

•  Good friends who mention little things that show that you really are important to someone out there. Even if they are in Hawaii. 

•  Laundry day so that I have a good excuse to stay in my Pajamas all day long.  

• Clean cloths so that I dont have to wear my pajamas all day tomorrow as well.

•  The Scriptures that helped me see something that I have been missing for a long time. 

•  The time to think to figure out where in life I am going to be heading next. 

•  Peace to know that I will get there.

Have a little faith

Last night my family and I watch the hallmark movie on ABC. It was called have a little faith. In the movie a lot happens Im not going to go into all of it but during the show something stood out to me. Before I can say what it was I need to give a bit of a background. A man is visiting a Presbyterian church hat it literary falling apart.During one of his visits the priest is giving a sermon on what sounded like forgiving and letting go. This Priest is a former drug dealer and junky who was talking about the people back in New York who cant see him how he is but only how he was. They just wouldn't let him change.
I've been thinking about this the past couple of hours and I noticed somethings in my life that happened because something wasn't letting me change. Then today in Choir I made a decision. There are plenty of things that I can see that have changed me because i got rid of them but most of them changed me in a good way. Because of that I realized all the things that I was still holding on to (in a way choir being one of them)So I decided that I need to take chance, HAVE A LITTLE FAITH, and let go so I can allow myself to change and become who I'm meant to be and i can figure out what my glory is (That was a quote from the movie It was good you should watch it :D)

:D

Standing on the Summit

Ever come off a weekend and know in confidence that that weekend was probably the best weekend of your life? I am blessed to have that kinda of weekend at least once a year, Because every year we have the YSA Summer Summit, a three day single adult conference.

Each year I seem to grow so much, But this year was different. This conference couldn't have been more for me then anyone else but, at the same time, it seemed like it was set up just for me. Our Opening speaker was Paul Cardall. Paul was born with a heart defect and has spent his entire life making hospital visits. Yet through it all he has learned how to compose music, and plays some of the most beautiful piano music that I have ever heard.

Those that know me know that I cry... a lot... but this time although I couldn't control my tears and they just kept streaming down my face I felt so much peace! I was staring at someone who found peace in music that he somehow found the courage to write and and bare testimony of his Lord and Savior even though he was going through so much. I can't really put into words what this meant to me but I was able to sit and talk to him about music after (which was a dream!) I had been searching for the motivation to write music aside from I know its what I am to do with my life in secret it was something that I have been very scared to do. He gave me the motivation I needed. I wont tell you exactly what he had said while we talked but he listened to the spirit and what he said was what I needed to hear and hold on to. I now am able to write music instead of being paralyzed with the fear of being rejected in doing so.

That morning I had planned on being on crutches but when I woke up my foot was hurting so bad that I could hardly stand on it. Since I am not able to take any pain medication I opted to take my wheelchair.

The closing speaker was Meg Johnson, a quadriplegic who shared her amazing story with us! She was paralyzed in her early twenty's. Life has not been easy for her but she has come out so strong and so motivating. Her motto is "When life gets to hard to stand, Keep on rolling!" Guess who understood! Not the physical part no I could never truly understand what she meant by it that way but because of what had happened that morning I understood spiritually. I could have easily stayed home this weekend but something kept telling me that I needed to be there. So I got in my wheelchair and I decided to keep on rolling. Just as we should all do spiritually when things get so hard that you don't think that you can continue it is so important to never give up and to keep trying!

If that weren't enough on Sunday we were able to sing in a choir that was conducted by the former associate conductor of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. His passion was so strong and I understood that I don't have to just have passion for the act of making music but for creating it!

You cannot stand on the summit forever; you have to come down again...So why bother in the first place? Just this: what is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above.

One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer but one has seen. There is an art to conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.

--Rene Daumal, Mount Analogue

Words cant express how much this weekend has changed me but as this lovely quote says I've seen the summit now I get to hold onto it and show it to others. I'm so excited too start!

Back in Bed! Whats wrong with boys?!?!

Now before you go reading into the topic let me explain. I have not slept in my own bed in over a week because I have not been able to walk due to a foot surgery I had just over a week ago. But tonight I made it I'm in my own bed and can I just tell you that it feels AMAZING even just to lay here :D I think Ill finally sleep well tonight!.

As for the second half of the title I have had two guys that I used to have some kind of romantic relationship with that all of the sudden have come back into my life within the past couple of weeks. And they are playing games. They both have said things to make it seem as though they may be interested again but they never act on it. Its like they are just playing with my head to see what they can get to happen which is aggravating because in both cases they are the ones that ended everything. So to anyone out there. Why do men have to mess with our heads?!?! Just as soon as you think that you get them out of it WHAM!!!! there they are working their way right back in and you don't even realize that you are letting them do it.

Harry Potter Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I was i was best friends with the Harry Potter Crew. Best dream ever....also worst wake up ever as well haha! It made me happy though.