Standing on the Summit

Ever come off a weekend and know in confidence that that weekend was probably the best weekend of your life? I am blessed to have that kinda of weekend at least once a year, Because every year we have the YSA Summer Summit, a three day single adult conference.

Each year I seem to grow so much, But this year was different. This conference couldn't have been more for me then anyone else but, at the same time, it seemed like it was set up just for me. Our Opening speaker was Paul Cardall. Paul was born with a heart defect and has spent his entire life making hospital visits. Yet through it all he has learned how to compose music, and plays some of the most beautiful piano music that I have ever heard.

Those that know me know that I cry... a lot... but this time although I couldn't control my tears and they just kept streaming down my face I felt so much peace! I was staring at someone who found peace in music that he somehow found the courage to write and and bare testimony of his Lord and Savior even though he was going through so much. I can't really put into words what this meant to me but I was able to sit and talk to him about music after (which was a dream!) I had been searching for the motivation to write music aside from I know its what I am to do with my life in secret it was something that I have been very scared to do. He gave me the motivation I needed. I wont tell you exactly what he had said while we talked but he listened to the spirit and what he said was what I needed to hear and hold on to. I now am able to write music instead of being paralyzed with the fear of being rejected in doing so.

That morning I had planned on being on crutches but when I woke up my foot was hurting so bad that I could hardly stand on it. Since I am not able to take any pain medication I opted to take my wheelchair.

The closing speaker was Meg Johnson, a quadriplegic who shared her amazing story with us! She was paralyzed in her early twenty's. Life has not been easy for her but she has come out so strong and so motivating. Her motto is "When life gets to hard to stand, Keep on rolling!" Guess who understood! Not the physical part no I could never truly understand what she meant by it that way but because of what had happened that morning I understood spiritually. I could have easily stayed home this weekend but something kept telling me that I needed to be there. So I got in my wheelchair and I decided to keep on rolling. Just as we should all do spiritually when things get so hard that you don't think that you can continue it is so important to never give up and to keep trying!

If that weren't enough on Sunday we were able to sing in a choir that was conducted by the former associate conductor of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. His passion was so strong and I understood that I don't have to just have passion for the act of making music but for creating it!

You cannot stand on the summit forever; you have to come down again...So why bother in the first place? Just this: what is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above.

One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer but one has seen. There is an art to conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.

--Rene Daumal, Mount Analogue

Words cant express how much this weekend has changed me but as this lovely quote says I've seen the summit now I get to hold onto it and show it to others. I'm so excited too start!

Back in Bed! Whats wrong with boys?!?!

Now before you go reading into the topic let me explain. I have not slept in my own bed in over a week because I have not been able to walk due to a foot surgery I had just over a week ago. But tonight I made it I'm in my own bed and can I just tell you that it feels AMAZING even just to lay here :D I think Ill finally sleep well tonight!.

As for the second half of the title I have had two guys that I used to have some kind of romantic relationship with that all of the sudden have come back into my life within the past couple of weeks. And they are playing games. They both have said things to make it seem as though they may be interested again but they never act on it. Its like they are just playing with my head to see what they can get to happen which is aggravating because in both cases they are the ones that ended everything. So to anyone out there. Why do men have to mess with our heads?!?! Just as soon as you think that you get them out of it WHAM!!!! there they are working their way right back in and you don't even realize that you are letting them do it.

Harry Potter Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I was i was best friends with the Harry Potter Crew. Best dream ever....also worst wake up ever as well haha! It made me happy though.

You've got a Friend in me.

So I have a a fun couple of days. I had surgery on a tendon in my right foot (yes I too am praying that this is the last one for a while) I realized that when I am recovering for a surgery I'm almost always on Facebook. So I decided to deactivate my account while I am recovering so that I don't get more addicted to it than i already am and so that I could hopefully stop getting on it all the time.

About a day and a half into my recovery I was regretting deactivating my Facebook because I am stuck in bed and I was honestly getting lonely. I felt like no one really knew what was going on but that it wasn't there fault it was mine because I didn't have a Facebook.

Then a good friend of mine visited me today. We were talking about how bad I had gotten just checking on people by reading their statuses on Facebook and somehow had believe that that was enough. Then I sat back and said but now I know who is really trying to be my friend because they have contacted me to see how I'm doing or have stopped by.

It shows so much more that they truly care. That is my goal to be more in touch honestly with people i am going to be there in others lives and not just on their Facebook's looking at their status.

Tribute to an amazing musician and friend: Larry Johnson

Yesterday I found out that a dear friend of mine passed away. Larry Johnson was my music theory Professor at UVU. He was supposed to retire from teaching at the end of the first block of summer session at UVU this summer. While teaching his liver and kidney failed, because of this he lived the last month and a half at the hospital in Provo, UT. He had a liver transplant on June 7th and was recovering slowly, until yesterday morning when he went into cardiac arrest.

OK I'm sure that didn't seem like a tribute and your right because it wasn't. Yes, Larry was my professor at UVU but he was also my friend. A couple nights before Larry passed away I had a feeling that I needed to go see him. I never made it. So to try and still things for me I wanted to share my story of Larry's and my friendship, one that is repeated in so many others lives that he touched.

I first took his class fall 2010, it was fundamentals of Music a class that I did not need to take but for reasons that will come up later I took this class anyway. I found this class easy yet I was still learning a lot from Larry. He always had his jokes and it was a humor that could make any one's day. I failed my first test which scared the crap out of me. I knew the information extremely well and the only reason that we could figure out for why I had failed it was that something was wrong with my learning and that I needed to figure out what it was. Larry helped me to do so.

One day after his class he motioned for me to come up and talk to him. I had been going through a really hard time. Larry pulled me aside and asked if I was okay. I almost burst into tears right there but I held them back as best as I could. He told me that he was available to talk if I needed someone to talk to.

It took a few days but I finally went in to talk to him. I told him all that was going on, there were many things that where eating at me but mostly it was my job. I had been working as a cook and it had been going well up until that semester. My boss at the time had me working from the early morning to the early afternoon. Previously He told me that we would work it out once it came time for me to take my music classes. That semester the music adviser informed me that I either start getting into the program now or I will be dropped from her list of students. It was time for us to work something out at work only things had changed. I was the only girl that was working in my area and one of the newly hired men had been causing major problems for me and my boss had found favor in him. I was told that it was no longer going to be possible to work something out. I was upset to say the least, but I had been hiding it and I though I was hiding it well. Then he paused and thought for a moment then asked me A few questions. First he asked if I needed to take his class, I replied with no and then explained how I needed my music and that this was all that I could get it and was doing for now. The he asked where I went to High school. Which anyone who knows me knows that that is a load question. I had gone to four different high schools, I never stayed at any one of them long enough to notice rank I just stayed long enough to prove myself in music. I then told him that I had failed at doing so at my last high school. My Music teacher there told me that I was going no where with my music and that I had no talent, and because of it i had given up on music up til then. Larry stopped me He said told me that my last teacher was wrong. He then told me that he knew of my first three directors. These director's choirs all ranked in the top 25 in the nation. He told me that if they saw talent in me then others would as well and that this other director didn't know what talent was (haha he said it in his stuck up voice the one that sounded like he knew better then everyone else). He then told me that he couldn't let a student that wanted to teach music so bad that she would take classes that she didn't need, go along with out any help. Later I found out that he had reported the harassment that I had been going through at work. It was because of him that I quit that job and moved on to something that I love.

The next semester I had him again only it was for a class that I really needed to take. I had broken both of my feet so when he would see me he would say "there's my little cripple". He always seemed to be so understanding I had a hard time making it to class on time because of it but he never got upset with me over it. The times when I was on time to class I would normally end up on the elevator with him. He would always use this time to interview me and check up on me. He was a true friend.

In his class I was understanding what he was teaching but I couldn't get it to come out on paper. For our final project we had to write a hymn with out any non-harmonics and without braking a single rule. We were required to consult with him on it at least once. I spent so many days in his office. On my first visit going over this hymn I was feeling very discouraged. I was not doing as well as I had thought. As I got up to leave he said "there's not much left now". I thought he meant there's not much left of the semester so my reply was " I know I'm working really hard and I'll get it done." He said "No Charmaine I mean you don't have much left to change your doing really well! I'm glad to see you growing." That statement changed my life. I want to get a

masters in composition and this gave me the courage to work toward it. I met with him four more times after that first time, I wanted my hymn to be perfect. My last visit with him I had one minor thing to change, I had labeled a chord wrong I just needed to change that. When it came time to turn in our hymn's I really wanted to know what my grade was so I had him mail it to me when he was done grading it. When I got it I opened it to see that not only had I gotten and A but I had also made three mistakes which at the time made me so mad because I

had worked so hard on it.

Now I'm glad to have those markings on my paper. It reminds me how much he really cared not only about every little detail and rule but also about us. I owe him everything I wouldn't be where I am now with out him. U can't really explain how or why he changed my life he just did. I just wish that I could have thanked him just one more time for it. He would always say things like "follow me my penguins" and "it's a beautiful day...somewhere" and he was always telling us to

"PUT THE LID ON THE MARKER!" While we were at the board thinking.

Larry has found his somewhere with his beautiful day and we are still forgetting to put the lids on the marker but when we do and the marker drys out we will always think of him and on day his penguins will follow him back home.

Til we met again Larry. Rest in Peace my friend!

The reason why men aren't getting married!

So I got a phone call from a this guy, who has been in my institute class all summer.

I pick up the phone almost in shock that he even had my number to hear him tell me that there is this girl in our institute class that he wants to ask out and that I knew her. He tells me her name and such. And then tells me that it seemed like we were good friends when we left class today.

Well turns out I just met this girl today and we didn't talk very long. In fact I barley caught her

name I even had to ask him what color shirt she was wearing.

He then goes on to say he doesn't know how he is going to get her number (and im thinking really are you honestly THAT out of it that you don't know that you CAN talk to a person and get their number?)

I tell him that it would probably be best that he try and get it the old fashioned way. He then WHINES! that he isn't going to see her til Monday and that he wants to take her out THIS WEEKEND.

(At this point in my head I'm about dying of laughter and sheer shock that this kid honestly has no idea what he is doing. )

So I then go into "coach mode" and tell him to scope her out at the dance on Friday and to get it then, but IT WAS LIKE I WAS SPEAKING GERMAN TO THIS KID. I honestly had to spell out every little detail about the dance because he was in his words "honestly clueless"...yet he garbed a wristband for it during class.

He ended the call by saying sorry to make this so awkward for you as if I had some big crush on him and was going to start to cry when he hang up or something and then with a fast good bye he hung up the phone... This sadly isn't the only time I've had this happen with some guy that I knew....And the brothern wonder why men are having problems getting married...

What shall we do with all these men?!

Dear Men of the world,

I am a Chef, a Professional sound tech, a lighting designer (for the theater), I play a handful of instruments, And I am currently in school studying and aspiring to be a composer and a conductor for symphonies, Oh and Im a FEMALE! and although most of these positions are male prominent dont think for a second that just because I am female I will go cry when you tell me that I don't what I'm doing. Its never worked before in fact in the end you'll be the one made out to look like and idiot not me. So in short I'm in your world deal with it.

Not love,

Charmaine Paige Griffin